Last week I was working with Dr. Nathan Wilson (pediatrician from Georgia, see older posts) and the patient flow was a little slow. We began to discuss the role of a pediatrician with regards to parenting. I usually cringe when someone gets on their soapbox about disciplining children (mostly because my brothers and I were certifiable terrors as little boys…and we all turned out decent). However, his opinions and perspective on the matter were valuable, so much so, I am going to share a bit of what we talked about.
First off, he strongly believes that Pediatricians have a major role to play in assisting parents in the job they have to raise children. He thinks that one of the boldest and bravest forms of loving a child is by being willing to discipline them. Essentially he was saying that leading children towards God (through discipline) is a necessity for any Christian that has the chance to interact with kids, especially a Christian who is in the position to provide advice to malleable parents.
Duet 6: 1-2, 5-9
These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life....5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
“so that your children may fear the Lord”
“impress them upon your children”
A big theme he centered on was the sinfulness of disobedience, which cannot be excused simply because a child is “a kid”. This is something that I had a hard time easily swallowing. Sure, if I see a 4 year old kid in a mall yelling bad words at his mom and throwing a tantrum, I might lean towards judging such a parent as failing at some point along the way…but even still, my natural inclination is to extend lots of grace to that parent and simply assume there is more to the situation then I realize. In my mind, there is a good chance the kid is just really nuts. To open up my mind a bit, he shared this passage with me…
Ephesians 6: 1-4:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The call to children is to obey and the call to parents is to bring them [their kids] up in the training and instruction of the Lord. I am obviously not a parent, yet…but up until this point, I would have been completely ok letting this passage remain between parents and their kids. Not really wanting to get involved as a Pediatrician, but what Dr. Wilson argued is that when there is obviously a clear lack of anything resembling an obedient child, it is very important for a trusted Pediatrician with an established relationship to speak a word of wisdom into the situation. Remind the parent that their children are to be subject to them, not vice versa. Remind the parent that discipline/punishment with explanation is a loving act.
I mostly wanted to write this post as a way to process/reflect on one man’s opinion. I also wanted to remark that it was surprising to me how universal and easy it is to recognize a child who never hears the word no and who lacks respect for their parent. Even in Peru, I’ve seen parents promise toys, just for letting me shine a light in their 5 year old son’s mouth. I don’t exactly know what sort of application I might take with me from this conversation, but I do know that it is a topic worth exploring as the topic of parenting will be unavoidable as a Pediatrician and hopefully very personal for Me as a future Dad (in a few years, hehe).
On the flip side, I am going to describe the situation of a little girl that I saw in the clinic twice this week. A story not really dealing with the nuances of parenting/discipline, but rather a story about what happens with a complete lack of parenting all together.
Arlet is 3-ish years old, her mom was abusing alcohol during the pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Last week she arrived at an orphanage here in Cusco. This little girl weighs 8kg (average 3yo: 15kg, 3% for 3yo: 12kg) ....8kg is the 50% for a 7 mo-old. So more than 50% of 7mo-olds weight more than this 3 yo girl!
She also only can eat liquid foods, not because of something physically wrong with her mouth/jaw, but because she has never LEARNED how to chew. It's a habit she was never taught.
She has had diarrhea ever since she arrived at the orphanage and she does not speak, not even words like mama or papa.
As sad and heartbreaking as this girl's situation is, the two caregivers from the orphanage seem very loving and attentive, AND the little girl herself is a happy child. She likes to play, she laughs and she smiles. I wonder if God has gifted her with this disposition to weather these first few rocky years of her life, or maybe the joy on her face is a new development since arriving at the orphanage. Either way, it warmed my heart to see her so happy.
I am thankful for the work of two orphanages here in Cusco who are connected with our clinic, they are vital places in this broken world.
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